How teachers respond to the hitting

The next day (March 28, 2008) I talked to Victor’s teachers: S and P. They were eager to know about my talk with the director. Perhaps they had been given the same answer and wanted to know if I had better luck.

I told them: either Victor had to leave or we should tolerate it. Victor would rather be hit every day than go to another class.

P: That’s so sweet.

S: Oh, but that is so sad. [She looked away.]

S came up with a plan: designate a teacher to shadow N every day.

I saw them doing it sometimes, but shadowing a three-year-old for 8 hours/day is easier said than done, especially on the playground. I read that an Olympic track champion once followed his 2.5-year-old boy and imitated his moves. By noon he collapsed in exhaustion. I have only gratitude and admiration for Victor’s teachers. They are on my side, and I feel supported.

Y: Thank you so much. I know how difficult this is when you have 20 other children to work with. But this is for N’s own good. I heard he’s tuned down.

S: He’s still hitting. With this plan I feel more confident.

Y: I hope he’ll change. It’s for everyone, most of all for N.

S: I know, and it’s your right to be concerned. I want Oliver to be here, so this is a family issue.

Actually I’m not sure if I want Oliver to go through this. He’ll be three in May. He has plenty of time to grow up. I don’t want it to start with N if I can help it. Oliver doesn’t know English so it’ll be hard for him to protect/stand up for himself. But, I love S and hope that Oliver will have the benefit of her guidance.

Every day I ask Victor if he was hit at school. Sometimes he says, “I don’t know.” “I forgot.” He may not want me to make a big deal of it, but I have to ask. Yesterday (April 2) he said, “N hit A twice. She cried two times because she was hurt.” A was like Victor’s “girlfriend,” although he said, “Eww.”

A part of me thinks something is wrong if a gentle child gets hit, s/he should cry and get over it. I don’t want to go to a team meeting and be pushed down to the floor. I get up and say, “My coworker is a spirited man.”

I don’t think I can ever do that. If I can, something vital inside me must have died.