Victor’s Preschool Journal (Spring 2008)

April 8: I spoke with Ms. S and told her that Victor hadn't been hit for a few days. He is more relaxed, happier and rarely talks about N. She said: "Don't tell M, I'm like Victor's bodyguard." I cannot be more grateful.

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April 9: Yesterday on the playground N hit Victor’s eyes and nose. Victor cried and went to an adult for help. I’ve had it! I told Victor to say, “I’m not your friend. I won’t play with you unless you stop hitting.” He said S told them not to say such things. I said to N you can and should. If N continues to hit you, you have to defend yourself, or I will transfer you to another school. He cried and wouldn’t go to the P Preschool. He said they do a lot of timeouts and he hated it. There’s no perfect balance between discipline and freedom. I told him to defend himself and go to the adults for help.

The supervising adult told me, “Victor loves to play with N, but N hits him. It makes me so sad to watch him get hit. It’s very sad.” If the bully maims him, I’ll call the police. The school will be responsible.

In the morning I spoke with Ms. P about the incident. She asked Victor to go to her when he needed help. I spoke with S that Victor couldn’t nap yesterday when the new girl cried. She said they moved the other kids away from her during the naptime.

S said Victor is growing. He gets hungry in the afternoon and eats a lot of fruit and snack. He ate an orange yesterday and later ate a bowl of strawberries. “You’re growing big,” S said, her face glowing with pride. I agreed to pack him some fruit or other snack.

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4/9/2008 8:11 PM When I picked up Victor, I asked: “Did you get hit today?”

Victor: “No, I played with N. He didn’t hit me or push me.”

Y: Why did you play with him? What if he hit you?

V: But he didn’t.

Y: What if he hits you tomorrow?

V: He didn’t hit or push me today.

I had to leave it at that. Fifteen minutes later I brought up the subject again.

V: I said to him, “I play with you, if you don’t hit or push me. If you hit me, I won’t play with you.”
N said, “OK.” It means he agreed. So he didn’t hit or push me today.

I am so proud of Victor.

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4/10/2008 10:13 PM When I picked up Victor, I asked, “Did you get hit today?”

V: N hit me.

Y: Didn’t you tell him not to hurt you, or you won’t play with him anymore?

V: I told him. He hit my back. Then I hit his belly, his ugly belly.

I never saw his belly. Victor said N liked to pull up his shirt and show his “ugly” belly.

Y: Did you tell the teacher?

V: Yes, I told Ms. S and P. They told him to sit in a chair.

They don’t do time-outs, so sitting in a chair is all that they could do.

Y: Have you hit other kids before?

V: No.

Y: Don’t hit other children, not anyone else. You always tell N not to hit you. But if he hits you first, you know what to do.

V: N hit A and hurt her hand. She cried. Teachers made him sit in a chair. N cried today.

Y: Why?

V: He slipped from the slide.

3-year-old N also hit 2 tall 5-year-old children. S (a sweet, adorable girl) hit him back. NA (a boy) was so tall he looked like a teenager, but even he cried after N hit him one time. It must have hurt. Everyone finds their way to cope.

Over the years I’ve fallen in love with Victor’s classmates: S was a beautiful girl, and I liked her mother.
B was a 3-year-old cutie who looked like Oliver.
J was a handsome boy, gentleman-like, and his mother was friendly and considerate. Sometimes she swept the floor and chatted with me. Today I saw J pat girl M’s back affectionately.
R used to be sweet on Victor.
NA and F hit Victor before, but now they played well together.
Victor was fond of E, a cute boy. One day in January N pushed Victor, who fell on E. E had a bloody nose. He bled so much I almost fainted. I admired his parents for not transferring him to another class. His two elder sisters had been in this class before.
Richard graduated last year, he was a buddy to Victor.
Teddy and Nathan (the twins) were smart and friendly.
Victor also liked Michelle who graduated.
Victor said most people in his class were good, except for two.

It hadn’t always been easy. When Victor first started, he couldn’t speak English. When he peed his pants, he let the sun dry up his pants and shoes. Gradually he warmed up to his teachers. Now he adores them like Goddesses. They’re also sweet to him. P said, “Victor is our favorite.”

Victor brought toy cars to share with A and B. A looked at his cars and said, “I don’t like them.” He brought the car again next week. I asked him why? He said, “Last time I brought two cars, she didn’t like them. Now I bring one, she’ll like it.” What does he know about girls?

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4/15/2008 4:26 PM Last Friday 4/11/08 I talked to Ms. P. Victor had a good day because N didn’t hit him. P said N needed to learn to socialize: he tended to get excited and start punching and pushing. When he was frustrated, he threw things. At school Victor had self-control and didn’t let things overwhelm him, but with me he was much more expressive: clingy and explosive at times. P said some kids act out at home, and some at school. N acts out at school.

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4/15/2008 10:30 PM Today N pulled Victor’s ear so hard he cried. Victor told Ms. J and P. They sat him down. N didn’t apologize. At night Victor said his right ear still hurt.

I asked: Did you pull his ear?

He said: No.

Y: Why did he pull your ear?

V: I don’t know.

Y: Could you not play with him?

V: But he came to play with me!

Victor couldn’t say no to friendship. I could identify with that, although it made me a bit sad. Some “friend” can hurt you more deeply than a sworn enemy; in fact, they always do because they have access to your heart and/or body.

V: S went down the slide and bumped into N who was climbing up. N cried. S said, “Sorry,” so she didn’t have to sit in the chair.

Y: Can you stay away from N like other kids?

V: But N followed me when I played. I didn’t ride the bike today. Other kids did, F, T, N and NI.