Victor said goodbye to his favorite preschool

On May 15, Thurs. Victor came home and said his left thigh ached. He said child N bumped into him on a bicycle. Victor had been hit and pushed by N many times before, but the school ultimately wasn’t able to intervene. Over time the school lost its charm to me. It made me (and some teachers) sad that Victor loved N as a playmate in spite of his impulsive, hurtful behaviors.

I examined Victor’s thigh but saw no bruises, so I let him be. At night he limped. I told him he’d feel better in the morning. He went to bed whining a little. I thought he was cute.

On 5/16 Fri. he couldn’t get out of the bed. Victor usually ran so fast I couldn’t catch him. Now he lay on his back, because he couldn’t use any force on his left thigh. When I carried him upright, he could only crawl. Was he maimed? I was terrified.

For days I’d been obsessed with the earthquake in China. Now Victor, my gentle boy, was hurt by N at his preschool, a nationally accredited school. What kind of a mother am I if I did nothing about it?

I took him to the Kaiser, because they could do X-ray on site. If he had a fracture, I’d sue the school. The pediatrics director would see him. I expected a hoary old man, but Dr. Leo was a small Asian man who looked like a teenager. His friendly, warm demeanor won Victor’s trust, and he followed the instructions precisely.

Dr. Leo put his hands on the various places of Victor’s body, applied some force and asked him if/where it hurt. Most of the time Victor shook his head. Suddenly he said it hurt. When Dr. Leo asked where, Victor pointed to his waist where Dr. Leo’s fingers pressed against it. We laughed. Dr. Leo said, “That’s good, that’s what I want to hear.”

Dr. Leo said it was almost impossible that Victor had a fractured femur, or he would have bruises and a lot of pain. Victor had a muscle sprain, so he felt deep ache after sleep, much like that a person got a back pain the next day after a car accident. If I massaged him, he’d feel better. That was a great relief. Victor was able to walk when we left the hospital. He recovered over the weekend.

On Monday I told his teachers, “Please keep him safe for 4.5 days. He won’t be here for the summer.” Ms. S was concerned when I told them what had happened. She said she wouldn’t allow bikes that day. That was comforting. I counted down the days with Victor, “Please stay safe for one more day!”

On Thurs. 5/22 I had a brief conference with Ms. S. She said she was sorry about what had happened that semester; she had a lot of challenging children, Ms. K left suddenly, she missed her and the children missed her. Next time she’d call in help much sooner before the situation got out of hand. I thanked her and said that you did your best, and we parents felt supported.

On 5/23 Friday I went to the potluck at the preschool. Ms. S was sad that some children were leaving. She gave a moving introduction to every child at the ceremony. She said, “Victor didn’t speak when he first started. Now he talks so much! He always knows the answers to my questions. He’s so ready for kindergarten.”

Victor was happy at the potluck. J’s mom left me their contact information and asked for my phone number. When I cleaned out Victor’s cubby, he realized that he was leaving for good. He cried and wouldn’t leave. The teachers comforted him but he kept crying. Ms. P said, “You’ll make a lot of new friends, Victor.” Ms. S asked if I needed any help. I said he just needed to cry. Their eyes got wet. Finally Victor agreed to leave. Ms. S left me her home phone, and I gave her our web addresses. Victor clutched tightly onto the paper with her number and seemed to find some comfort in it. Ms. P said, “Victor, thanks for all your help!” She told me, “He was a lot of help to me.”

I took Victor home and returned to work. I stayed late to finish up work and try to finalize the Hawaii trip details. I left at 8pm while the office building emptied at 3:30pm. I felt drained and a bit ill. At night I saw Ms. S’ email. She cried after reading my blog and suggested that I should send it to the school. I was moved. Victor left his favorite preschool, not voluntarily, but I couldn’t allow him to be hurt physically, emotionally, or intellectually. I was too overwhelmed to take an action against the school. I didn’t know then that I started to miscarry at 9 weeks.